I want to be Your beautiful.

May my life song sing praise to God, that no matter the hardships, no matter the burden, no matter the circumstance, to Him be all glory. May my hands serve Him well, my feet follow His lead, and my heart love with His love. May I relentlessly pursue that which brings Him greatest pleasure. And may I be transformed and molded into His idea of beautiful.

Leaving.

must not be distracted and must pack.

must not be distracted and must pack.

must not be distracted and must pack.

So here’s the thing…

I want to be yours for… well, forever.

And you wanna know the great thing?

You think the same thing about me. :)

Good conversations. :)

3 days left.

to pack, run to walmart, see tiffany, see torrie, talk to jaime, research grad school, apply for a job next year, to sort of pack for next year, to find furnature, to mentally prepare for the next 3 months, to say good bye.

Suddenly all of his stories seem too real.

I feel like throwing up.

There is a sickness brewing at the pit of my stomach when I let myself consider the fact that at one time, he cared for her.

6 days.

and I feel like throwing up everytime I think about telling him good bye.

Remember. He always told me how important it was to remember. But days like these when it all comes back at once, I am overwhelmed with sadness and joy and excitement and expectation. I realize that things change. People grow up; some leave, some stay. Regardless, time does its work, and people change. It’s funny, really. How I’ll blame myself if life isn’t entirely splendid for all the people around me. If it suddenly seems as though I don’t fit in with a certain crowd, it’s my fault. It’s my fault that it isn’t what it was. It’s funny, really. How I’ll forget that as the world changes around me, I change with it. And to some, that change is simply unbearable. But to me, it is life. My life. And as this concept called time drags myself and the people around me through a whirlwind of change and growth, a new story is unfolded. The past is past, the present is already gone, and the future is here. And this is my story. My story of victories and failures. Of the times I was picked on as a  kid and the times I loved as an adult. A story of tears and laughter and friends and enemies. A tale of love and pain and surprise adventures. And I like my story and I like that you have one too.  So thank you for being a part of my story. And thank you for letting me be a part of yours.

Remember. He always told me how important it was to remember.

But days like these when it all comes back at once, I am overwhelmed with sadness and joy and excitement and expectation.

I realize that things change. People grow up; some leave, some stay. Regardless, time does its work, and people change.

It’s funny, really. How I’ll blame myself if life isn’t entirely splendid for all the people around me. If it suddenly seems as though I don’t fit in with a certain crowd, it’s my fault. It’s my fault that it isn’t what it was.

It’s funny, really. How I’ll forget that as the world changes around me, I change with it. And to some, that change is simply unbearable. But to me, it is life. My life. And as this concept called time drags myself and the people around me through a whirlwind of change and growth, a new story is unfolded. The past is past, the present is already gone, and the future is here.

And this is my story. My story of victories and failures. Of the times I was picked on as a  kid and the times I loved as an adult. A story of tears and laughter and friends and enemies. A tale of love and pain and surprise adventures. And I like my story and I like that you have one too. 

So thank you for being a part of my story. And thank you for letting me be a part of yours.

it hurts.

it hurts.

I’m not ready to say goodbye.